All media reports of a middle-aged man with prematurely grey hair, waving a flag emblazoned with a Cape Aflame logo and squealing with delight while running naked through the streets of Cape Town are to be ignored.
Cape Aflame Image Controller and Website Developer Basil Parker was wearing a T-Shirt (branded with our logo) at the time. Besides, had he been starkers, the SAPS would have intervened.
Why, you might ask (although we’ve come to expect such things of him) was Basil running half ‘nekkid’ through the streets of Cape Town waving a Cape Aflame banner?
He’d proved a point.
His point was that generating awareness of The Cape Aflame – Cape Town’s Dance with Fire required social-media coverage. He brought this up at The Cape Aflame War Room Meeting at 05:00 this morning, surrounded by the higher echelons of The Cape Aflame Joint Chiefs of Staff (JCoS).
Needless to say, he was fully clothed at the time.
If, for example (he argued), the Western Cape Premier tweeted to her 750 000 followers that she would be buying a copy of The Cape Aflame, she would generate such awareness.
Duh! Commander-in-Chief Kevin Gleeson arched a quizzical eyebrow and five-star General Les Martens muttered darkly about the return of the Ebola virus.
How, they asked Basil with not a little sceptism, was he going to get it into Western Cape Premier Helen Zille’s mind to tweet such a message.
When John Maytham took to the airwaves on CapeTalk at 4 P.M., he breathlessly announced that a middle-aged man was running naked through the streets of Cape Town.
Armed with a Cape Aflame banner. And a T-shirt, I hasten to add.
“Ermagard,” sighed Cape Aflame C-i-C Gleeson, rolling his eyes skyward. “If that’s Parker’s idea of a promotion stunt, he’s about to have one of those stars stripped from his epaulettes.”
General Martens swore and began swiping away at his iPhone. Within seconds, his eyes grew large, he held out his phone and pointed it in the direction of the Joint Chiefs.
“The [expletive deleted] has done it,” he whispered in a tone of stunned awe. “He’s hacked the Premier’s brain.”
@capeaflame Will definitely buy if it supports our brilliant fire fighters.
— Helen Zille (@helenzille) September 19, 2015
The Cape Aflame War Room is quiet tonight.
The C-i-C and General Martens are seated in the Lotus position, meditating. To cleanse their minds. They have flowers taped to what remains of their hair.
I suspect they harbour innate fears or being ordered, by a power infinitely greater than themselves, to run naked through the streets of Cape Town
Basil’s slouched in a chair in the corner of the War Room. Smiling quietly to himself. He’s thinking of the Premier, running naked through the streets of Cape Town waving a banner emblazoned with a Cape Aflame logo.
In the interests of promoting awareness – of course.
The Joint Chiefs have nothing to fear.